I hate Lord of the Rings. It reminds me of Dungeons & Dragons which reminds me of drama club dweebs. I played D&D a few times. What's up with those kids that got so into it that they killed other characters in real life? Pathetic losers! A little while ago before it got cold, I saw this drama club freak walking around Tysons in a Neo overcoat. You are so cool guy! Perhaps this is why I chose The Last Samurai over Matrix3.

So when LOTR2 was at the theaters, I went with my friends to check out what all the fuss was about. I fell asleep during the "epic" battle scene. WTH was going on? It was all dark and shadowy and the Dolby Digital was blasting thunderous bass for about 15 minutes before I finally passed out despite the noise. This little trick to battle scenes where they show quick snippets of flying debris and flinging battleaxes before cutting to another angle is getting annoying. Calling John Woo, time to slow these puppies down.

The only redeeming about LOTR is Smeagol. Now that's my boy. A Smeagol spinoff sitcom not based on medieval fantasy would rule. Imagine this cat in an Alf-like TV show. Calling FOX!