Hullo from Lahore! Or shall I say slaalakum. I was in Islamabad upon arrival but have been in Lahore for a few days. Picked up a couple of shalwar qamis from Anarkali. Just got back from some ice cream parloUr in Defence [sic]. OK that is all for now. D'hafiz.

Nuriya turned 6 months today.

She can:

Turn over off her back.
Turn over off her front (once).
Sit.
Reach out and touch anything within reach in one try.
Eat veggies (beat me to it).
Remember (when Mama walks over with a washcloth, she starts squinting in anticipation of her face being cleaned).
Entertain herself (while parents sleep in).

I love this kid!

Meredith. Gentlemen. This is the final rose.

Ahahahahahah!

Hail to the mutha freakin' Redskins. Today is a landmark day for the DC sports scene. Everyone remembers the cloudy day in 92 when Joe Gibbs retired from the Washington Redskins football organization. Winner of 3 Super Bowls with three different quarterbacks, coach was...err...is an all-timer. Gibbs returns today, after a 12 year hiatus, to the job that rightfully belongs to him. He brings a resume of success through hard work and a keen ability to make adjustments unlike any so-called peer. He bleeds burgandy & gold and does not sell out to the highest bidder like his contemporary Bill Parcells, the stink of Tuna you smell coming from Dallas by way of New Jersey...err...Boston...err...that swampland in the Meadowlands.

I remember the day Gibbs retired from the Redskins very clearly. A first year at the University of Virginia, I was in the gameroom getting ready to shoot some pool when I saw Coach getting ready for a press conference. A crowd quickly gathered, and when Coach was done speaking, the life had been sucked out of the gameroom. It should have been another ordinary day, but that day, unbeknownst to us, had set the tone for the next twelve years.

The glory of the 80s and 90s was soon replaced by a culture of losing. The proud Washington franchise made the ultimate mistake in soon hiring a former Cowboy, Norval Turner, to "coach" this team. It took seven dismal seasons for the organization to realize its mistake. But at this point, we grew accustomed to the futility. Expectations were lowered. We longed for days gone by, where victorious Sundays led to cheerful weekdays.

A cloud has hung over DC for the past dozen years. Steve Spurrier claimed that "sunshine follows the Gators." His words could not ring any truer.

Today I received a call from Mariam. She was rather excited to report that Nuriya had somehow managed to grab the top railing of the crib and yanked herself up. Ms. Olympia proceeded to fall down when momz caught her in the act. This kid has potential yo. Another missed "Wish I was there with a camcorder" moment. This one's for the blogs.

The inmates will be running the asylum shortly.

If I were to open a barber shop, I'd call it Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow. Why have I never come across a barber shop named this?

Is Saddam the Ace of Spades or the Joker in the Hole?

Ryan Seacrest must die. What's up Carson Galy^2?

I love it when the host of The Bachelor comes out during that tense moment before Bob must eliminate one last woman. So the host walks in, announces the obvious: "Ladies...Bob...there is one rose remaining." And walks out. This is why I watch the show. I swear.

I hate Lord of the Rings. It reminds me of Dungeons & Dragons which reminds me of drama club dweebs. I played D&D a few times. What's up with those kids that got so into it that they killed other characters in real life? Pathetic losers! A little while ago before it got cold, I saw this drama club freak walking around Tysons in a Neo overcoat. You are so cool guy! Perhaps this is why I chose The Last Samurai over Matrix3.

So when LOTR2 was at the theaters, I went with my friends to check out what all the fuss was about. I fell asleep during the "epic" battle scene. WTH was going on? It was all dark and shadowy and the Dolby Digital was blasting thunderous bass for about 15 minutes before I finally passed out despite the noise. This little trick to battle scenes where they show quick snippets of flying debris and flinging battleaxes before cutting to another angle is getting annoying. Calling John Woo, time to slow these puppies down.

The only redeeming about LOTR is Smeagol. Now that's my boy. A Smeagol spinoff sitcom not based on medieval fantasy would rule. Imagine this cat in an Alf-like TV show. Calling FOX!

Atkins Day 1...scrambled eggs and water for breakfast. Let the induction begin.

Dude, I got me a Dell.

I'm more excited about the 19" flat panel monitor than the computer itself. Sweet deal. Wrote a haiku about it:


Dude, I got a Dell.
Gigahertz, oh how I hurt
Waiting is such hell.

I just wanted to say:

Why-o why-o why-o...
Whyyyyy-o why-o why-o...
...are we so in de-ny-oh?

Saw The Last Samurai tonight. First time at the theaters since Nuriya arrived. She and her mom were at a wedding. Great GREAT flick. Glad we chose it over Matrix Revolutions.

Quote of note:
Katsumoto: Do you believe a man can change his destiny?
Algren: I believe a man does what he can until his destiny is revealed.

Rock freaking on.

The landscape looks like my shoulder right about now. Snow is in full effect. Remember two-hour delays and days off from school? As a student I didn't appreciate the fact that Fairfax County Public Schools didn't close at the first sight of snow. Now I've moved to Loudoun County a few years too late. LoCo, Fairfax's neighbor to the west, is notorious for school closings. Nuriya is one lucky child.

So my company gives us an inclement weather hotline to call when it snows. The message never changes: "There is no alert broadcast for today." Bahstidz. I just wish one of these days my boss would swing by and announce we're closing two hours early.

Tom Brokaw: Next up, the fleecing of America. How long has TB been the only dude ever to use this phrase? I can't bring myself to say it unless I use a Brokaw accent.

The Terminator is back. I have been waiting for this moment for a while now. Ever since retro has been in, these classic kicks were just bound to return as T2. My first Nike's. I was rockin' these puppies all 5th grade long. Unfortunately I had not yet reached size 7 so I had the kids version. Representin' the grey and royal blue of Georgetown, these were the joint to have in DC. Unfortunately, there is no way I'm rocking these ugly classics today. Does anyone really buy these old school Nikes and Reeboks?

These days, my boot of choice are the Puma Temo's. Now that's the hotness.

Back.

Pulled an all-nighter the previous evening to beat the holiday traffic. Left NJ at 3:50am and got home at 7:15. Exit 1 on the turnpike now has 10 toll booths instead of 2. Good stuff. Took a nap till noon only to wake up with the cold I knew was coming. All my in-laws had colds. Nuriya woke up all crusty too. But she rolled over with help for the first time yesterday at 2pm. At 10:23pm she ate her first "solids" if you could call it that. We hit up Walmart last night and got her some Gerber rice. Mix one tablespoon of that stuff with 5 tablespoons of water and that tasteless slush is apparently considered a solid.

Oh yeah belated Eid Mubarak! We got Nuriya all gussied up for the day and then ended up returning her first Eid dress. The funny thing is we are sentimental and keep everything! But even Mariam recognized the mistake she made when buying the ugly pink "frock." My daughter was rocking a pleated dress against my wishes.

Nuriya also got her ears pierced on Eid eve. Ruby earrings that don't match any of her outfits all thanks to me. But that's her birth stone and I had to maintain the integrity of that. We got it done at the Piercing Pagoda in the middle of the mall which I wasn't too thrilled about until I found they are affiliated with Zales. But the fact that one of the girls who did her ears was a former co-worker of Mariam's at Hannaford's grocery store didn't help. Nuriya cried for a good minute but was all good after that.

Her grandparents here in VA don't know about the earrings yet though. Gotta collect that eidi tonite!

So I just got out of a boring iftar tomorrow night. Its at my parents' friends' crib. There's these group of paki families who live in the same neighborhood who throw potluck iftars for their circle. The circle was barely managemable at 4 families a few years ago but has now grown to about 8. I moved out of the 'hood about 2 years ago and there were no expectations on me to attend said festivities whilst single. However, as soon as I got married, and had child, expectations to attend have risen exponentially for this expatriat. I've successfully managed to attend 1 out of the 4 or 5 dinners thus far. These aunties are a cunning bunch. They plan for us. They take advantage of the fresh blood (my wife) thrown into this ever expanding circle by merely telling her: "You make that thing you make", referring to the foreign cuisine called boolaney of her native Afghanistan. Effectively pre-empting any counterstrike from the husband who has enough pull to decline invites as he has done successfully for years as The Bachelor. Basically, the signs are out there: "Oldmanville - Next Exit". However, I'm closing my eyes driving the fast lane. Uncles, aunties, outta my way! Darn it, Nuriya needs to pee, gotta look for a pit stop. "Oldmanville, Exits 10,11,12,13,14,15". I cannot escape.

So I hear Britney's got dat "boom boom". I'm in da zone baby, awe yeah.

Doogie Howser should reprise his role on ER. That or a crossover episode with Scrubs. Either of these situations would destroy The Bachelor VI.